Saturday, November 21, 2009
Time flies . . . .
It has been months since i blogged about my actual life .
I gotta admit that some of the posts I posted are fictions . . . . BUT , It's only 1% .
Like I am trying my best not to melt the arctic ice but failed .
And , Actually there's supposed to be 2 suns and I gobbled one up .
I apologise for lying .
Whatever .
So , today , I'm gonna talk about my life !!!
Aren't you guys Excited ?? Yeah , I can tell from your Enthusiastic human faces !!
I'll try to blurt out whatever I think is super interesting .
Hmmm . . . .
Life as a Hunk . . .
What do you guys think about it ?
It's actually torturing and disgusting . And much worst .
Not like wow , humans look at you like they just saw an Angel .
Although i am an 49% Angel .( the rest is Hunk)
Yea , I enjoy people Admiring at me .
But not to the extend where you want to buy my Picture for US$1111.11 ?!?!
And you even chop of your arm and throw it at me just to touch me ?
And what's worst , you actually poisoned yourself and purposely die infront of me just to say I am hot ?
Aww . . .
Now , I feel like I'm a Jerk . . . .
No . . . Herk . .
. . . . Hercules .
Yea , he is just part of me too .
Anyway , Just feel like saying that , Everything has a price to pay .
Like me being Hot Equals to Earth being heated .
Me being Charming Equals to humans faint upon my activation of charm .
Me being Electrifying Equals to Thunderstorms in Singapore .
Aaahh ,
How i wish there isn't much to pay .
I just wanna help humans by heating Earth so they can survive properly .
But . . . . Why cant i just be Unhot ?
Oh yeah . . .
I nearly forgot that I'm in-human , I'm a Hunk .
Uh . Now I know . That's why .
The earth is round . You know why ?
Cause round stuff is easier to digest .
I have already eaten a few planets .
You know the new planet on this solar system ?
It's actually my Shit .
I dunno why it got stuck there .
But , soon , It will explode .
My shit doesn't contain Methane , But , Methunk .
It's like 100 times more flammable than Methane .
But , at the same time , 1000000 times slower to react than methane .
Maybe that will be the cause of the End of the world in 2012 .
LATEST NEWS ,
Earth got destroyed by a Feces .
It's an honor humans .
To die by my dung .
Don't worry , It doesn't stink .
Siannn . . . .
Now I gotta find another solar system to live on .
-GuoLun
5:46 AM
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wow . I just realised that there are many different kinds of students .
Like Idiotic , Retarded , Dumb , Amateurs and of course , Handsome .
Although all i mentioned except Handsome sounds more or less the same ,
But you're wrong wrong wrong !!! .
They might only sound the same because some students , or all students u know have these four qualities .
Let me briefly explain what are all these .
Idiotic students are those that keep asking stuff the teacher doesn't wan to say .
Like their pay , their life etc .
Like man , you can roughly guess it right ? .
How many wives or husband can a teacher have ?
10 ?
Where can they stay when they are teaching in Singapore ?
Japan ?
And so what if you know , you just made yourself more irritating .
Idiots .
Retarded students .
This are the retard and steady people .
yeah , slow and steady wins the race , but definitely not the retarded way .
They do maths when it's science lesson , eat when it's not recess .
Like wow , you're so slow , you're eating yesterday's breakfast during maths .
Like they got so excited and happy when they score zero for their test and started cheering and celebrating
But then cry later on like 7hours later because they fail
So , you're excited that you're gonna cry later ?
retards .
And Dumb students ,
They are the most easily recognised and most abundance in our school .
Their favorite word is 'Huh' and ' What'
They can say like 100 of these per day .
When you say left , they go right .
It's more or less like wearing a headband that writes " I am Dumb please treat me like a Dumbass"
Dumb .
And Amateurs .
I somehow find these kind of students cute .
You can't blame them for being an amateur in being a student .
Teachers don't teach you how to be a professional student .
It's all up to your common sense .
These students always go against teacher but never win .
They like to attract attention through their conversation .
For example , they talk loudly , scold vulgarities and purposely make teachers scold them .
Then behind their back , say the teachers .
LOL.
Cute aren't they .
Their pride comes from how many teachers scold them .
To them , the more teacher hates and scold them , the more he can show off .
" Eh , Today I confirm win you one . Cause Lady luck on my side , got 20 teacher scold me sia . you leh ? " .
Amateurs .
And even though all these kind of 'Negative' students brings the moods of teacher and innocent student's down ,
There's still one kind of 'Positive' student that exist in this world .
Their sole reason for studying is to relief the teachers . . . .
They are like angels sent from heaven .
Even after countless attempts of reviving the moods due to those crappy students , teachers still fail .
Until , this kind of students come into their life .
They are called , Handsome students .
Just a glimpse of them can soothe any kind of disastrous mood the teacher holds .
If you see teachers fainting , It's just them looking at the handsome student too many times .
It's normal .
But of course , such a good delight doesn't come in a bunch .
They are unique .
Which actually means that there's only one of them in the world .
I shall be straight forward .
It is me .
yes .
I am the savior for the teaching world .
Without me , there would be no school , no education , no future .
I am so important that I am allowed to do anything i like .
Like burn the toilet , barbecue the hall .
I'm hot .
You're welcomes teachers .
Handsome !
-GuoLun
1:28 AM
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Deep down in the heart of every human , lies the want to be always healthy .
It's a mockery to humans .
Because most of them does not know how to .
So , let me , the most handsome guy in the universe give you guys special and professional advice on how to be healthy .
It's really easy once u grasp the fundamentals
It's basically just . . . . just putting in a slightly more effort than usual .
If you are really really serious about being healthy , then i guess there's nothing to stop you from being healthy .
What you lack is being innovative , creative , charming , hot , electrifying . . .
One easy and practical step i have invented is this .
Run , Don't walk .
Which means that everywhere you go now , you Run instead of walking .
That includes running in the library , running in the swimming pool and so on .
Next ,
Don't stop .
This means that even if you have completed something , CONTINUE it!
For example , when you finish eating , continue chewing even if there is nothing in your mouth .
Continue forcing your shit out even after your shit is forced out in the toilet .
Continue running even if you've reached your destination .
And one more fabulous tip is ,
Repeating .
Repeating makes your body tuned to the movement .
And makes it easier to do stuff next time .
How to repeat ?
It's simple .
Let's say , after you talk , you repeat the whole sentence again to the person .
this will burn the fat's on your jaw
I'm sure your friend will understand and not find you irritating .
Try it ! It's fun !
You can also try repeating what you've done for the day .
Like you got hit by the lorry and landed in hospital .
So you get out of hospital the next day and get hit by a lorry again even if you are already injured .
That's called dedication and sticking to your plans .
It work wonders even though i have not try it before .
And the last tip for the day .
This tip is gonna be the most effective of all .
It is none other than . . . . . going . . . . . for war .
Yeah going for war means killing or what so ever .
I'm not asking you to kill , dumbass .
I'm just asking you to run around with the army and avoid bullets .
It's very tiring especially when you wear all those gears and hold a rifle .
If you don't feel like going for war , It's ok .
There's always another choice .
You can consider rioting .
Just simply go to China and support one side of the government and you can start a riot .
You can march , shout , whack .
It's like kick-boxing .
Tiring but fun and effective .
You can also make Chinese friends and learn how to make milk powder .
See , there's so many advantages and what's gonna happen to you ?
Yeah ! you're gonna be healthy !!
But if you sway , you go to jail .
But mind you , It's china jail .
Who knows that the 'Metal Bars' are actually made of paper ?
Health is more worth it or wasting time ?
Obviously is health .
So go !
-GuoLun
11:48 PM
